Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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