her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
