are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
