Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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