My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
