i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
