i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
