My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
