fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
