he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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