Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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