i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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