im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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