You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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