Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
