Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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