Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
