Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
