party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
