I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
