Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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