i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
