Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
