So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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