A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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