My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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