3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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