Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
