What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
