So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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