I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hippo gnu deer
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
