My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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