She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
