I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
