3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
