Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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