apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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