Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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