Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
