I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
