hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
