Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so explain again why im purple
no
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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