I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
