Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just want nice things and good sex
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
