Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
