And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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