yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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