so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we're so committed to being not committed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
