I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
