Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
