She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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