Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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