I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
