omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
