Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found the puke drawer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
soo... how was my night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
