My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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