I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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