I got chris browned last night
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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