alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
