so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
