"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
