I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
