So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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