that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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