Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
