Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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