Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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