I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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