I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
