Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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