bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
