Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize