So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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