I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dick very happy bro
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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