Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize