I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
