this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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