how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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