He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
