are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
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So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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