I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
