just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
