she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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