I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
